It’s annual review season around here! As the days get shorter and nights get longer the season of self-assessments and supervisors’ ratings begins. Some love giving and receiving feedback as a way to connect with, celebrate, and calibrate their team functioning. Others dread the discomfort of acknowledging and discussing negative feedback. No matter what your relationship with feedback looks like, it is an integral part of knowing where you stand and how to be successful at work.

If you have not already, check out the 7 Tips for Giving Effective Feedback article to dive into how we approach performance conversations at iAlign. Heading into performance review season with a clear sense of what you want to achieve with it and how you will communicate that with your team, is a great starting place.

That article got me thinking though, wouldn’t it be nice to have a more granular guide on giving feedback, as in – what the heck do I actually say to get my message across?!? What do I do when what starts as a well thought out message becomes.... just a mess?

It can be hard to figure out how to phrase feedback, especially if you are nervous about sharing it.

There is no formula for perfect feedback. The beauty and challenge of human complexity is that all rigid formulas for interpersonal decisions are ultimately incomplete short cuts. We have to do the work of combining existing knowledge of what usually works with personalized knowledge of what the person and situation warrant to be effective.

With that in mind, I have compiled some sample prompts that I hope will be helpful in inspiring and preparing for your upcoming performance management conversations. Like a flower, feedback has anatomy: the stem (the structure of how you approach, introduce, and conclude the content) and the petals (the feedback content itself). I have provided sample stems below with sample petals in italics. These are not a list of “shoulds”; they are a list of “coulds.” As in, you could use this when you feel it is appropriate, but please take what is useful and leave whatever doesn’t fit your needs behind.

‍

For highlighting their positive contributions:

• “I appreciate when you (take the time to check in with your coworkers on how you can help). It really has a positive impact on the (team)."
• “I think your superpower is (communication). I love watching the way you (use your voice and word choice to instill trust, respect and expectations with clients. You are so eloquent and intentional when you speak.)”
• “Multiple of your (peers) have pointed out your strength in (creative problem solving) Your commitment to (finding unique, inclusive solutions when issues arise) does not go unnoticed.”

For addressing gaps in performance:

• “In 1:1 settings I see you thrive in (sharing your progress on projects and asking questions). In group settings, I would love to see you make space for more (involvement in team discussions). How can I help with that?”
• "On one hand I see you (hustling to ensure you meet expected deadlines), which I appreciate. At the same time, I notice that (your work lately has had more typos and small errors). Let's talk about strategies that allow for timely delivery and polished content."

For curbing the team gossip or constant complainers:

• “I appreciate your input. Sharing with me when something is not working is a productive, proactive move. That way we can solve it. When you only talk to the team or other people in the company and not me about your concerns, I cannot help you fix it, and it contributes to a culture of negativity.”
• “I know there are a lot of rumors circulating about (the future of the company). It can really negatively impact the office environment when rumors get out of hand. So, I’d like to set the record straight to the extent I am able. Here is what is going on...”

For time management struggles:

• "I love your (enthusiasm to take on new projects and apply yourself across lots of areas at work). It is great to see you stretch your skills and your eagerness to constantly grow is something I really appreciate about you. I also notice (that the last few deadlines have passed you by). Let’s revisit your goals and see where we can narrow your focus to make things more attainable. How does that sound?”
• “I’ve noticed (you have missed morning meetings lately). I am concerned (that you are missing important information in your absence). What has changed in your morning routine? What do you need from me to get back on track?"

For calling out the impact of a bad attitude:

• “Hey, I wanted to check in on how you are doing. (Tom shared with me that you made some comments in this morning's meeting that left them feeling disrespected). I want to hear your side of the story. I want to make sure I understand what is happening, if you are doing ok, and how I can help you moving forward to be your best self at work.”
• “I noticed yesterday that (you left the conversation when you were frustrated). Getting frustrated is ok. Disrespecting your team by storming out is not ok. Let’s find some alternate options to handle situations like that moving forward. Do you have time now for us to touch base on that and how I can help?"
• "We have lots of different personalities and perspectives on this team. I know that can sometimes be challenging to navigate, especially in a new role like yours. What training, resources, or support from me do you need to navigate your interactions with your team effectively?”

You might be wondering, at a granular level, what makes these “stems” (prompts) more helpful that a more direct approach?

Can I just say “You are doing poorly at meeting deadlines. You need to step it up if you want to stay on this team.”

You can. However, it is probably not going to have the influence you want it to.

Human nature is to protect our own egos. So, rather than lighting a fire of motivation and commitment under your employee, a comment like the one above is more likely to lead to them...

1.) distrusting and avoiding you

2.) considering whether or not they want to stay in this job

Additionally, the above comment does not offer solutions or support for change, just criticism and vague expectations.

In contrast, the suggested prompts have the following in common:

• Disarming, less accusatory language like “I noticed, I see you, I’d like to, Let’s talk …” that reduces potential defensiveness in the first two seconds of the interaction.

• Specific, behavior-based feedback

• Invitation to collaborate on a solution

• Opportunity for commentary, discussion, or conversation

‍

Learning to and practicing giving effective, constructive feedback is a journey. It takes patience, continuous engagement with progress, and a willingness to be uncomfortable. Be kind to yourself in the process. Give yourself the same type of feedback you are working on giving to others!

Ready to learn how iAlign.work can help your organization thrive? Learn more and request a demo here:  Contact us

‍

‍